IStock Photo 9683593 © Heike Kampe

It seems these days everyone’s putting their relationship on hold—as in, “I’m sorry, that’s my lawyer calling on the other line.” The list includes Sandra Bullock, Elin Woods, Melissa Etheridge, even perennial dad, Mel Gibson. Somebody gets wronged, somebody moves out, and somebody wins the race to the courthouse.

But despite these very public splits, the truth is—at any one time—only a small percentage of married couples are separated. The odds a person 18 or older is currently separated from a spouse are 1 in 44.13. Those are the same odds an MLB fan roots for the Colorado Rockies (and they aren’t off to a great start).

Middle-aged adults are more likely to be separated from a spouse than those in their prime child-bearing years or those over 65. The odds a separated person is 18-39 years old are 1 in 2.55. The odds a separated person is 40 - 64 years old are 1 in 1.97 (50.8%). And the odds a separated person is 65 years old or older are 1 in 12.26.
No one wants to be stuck in a bad marriage—but can being separated actually take a toll on your health?

According to a recent study published on behalf of the American Cancer Society, the answer is yes. In the study, patients who were separated at the time of their cancer diagnosis were less likely to survive compared to widows and widowers, divorced patients, and those who were never married. This is a particularly dramatic indication of the health benefits of an intact marriage, as previous research has shown that unmarried patients undergoing treatment for cancer have a significantly worse prognosis than married patients

Researchers account for the new findings by surmising that not only is the breakdown of a marriage a highly upsetting event, it is one which is not necessarily expected in the course of a life, unlike the possibility of being widowed. Marital separation is also a state of limbo, and the lack of closure—as compared to either widowhood or divorce—may add to the stress a person experiences. And stress is a big culprit in preventing the immune system from working to its full potential.
But the uncertainty can have a long term upside. Although many view separation as inevitably followed by divorce, it actually can be just the opposite. Larry King and his wife, Shawn Southwick, recently announced they are ending their separation and will be back living tighter under the same roof while they work on repairing their marriage.

A separation can make couples realize just how much they mean to each other. Some marriage counselors even promote "controlled separations" as a way to mend failing marriages. These separations are orchestrated with the help of counselors—while the lawyers are kept at bay. A length of time for the separation is set, and renegotiated if necessary. And clear rules are put in place regarding care of children and pets, living arrangements, finances, and many other aspects of the relationship.

A percentage of these marriages are saved. For those who still end up in divorce court, there is often less acrimony between the couples, compared to those who have not gone through this type of mediated separation.