Photo courtesy of Jon Pitts-Wiley

My life is crazy right now. It's not "trapped under a building with no means of escape" crazy, but it is definitely "this is real life and there's no such thing as a timeout" crazy; this is "I'm going to bullet point my thoughts in the hopes of making sense of them or perhaps bullet point them as a desperate cry to the internets" crazy. Below are some observations from life since March 20th.

What I Kinda Knew: Life would be crazy around this time.

What I Didn't Know: Life would be so effing crazy around this time.

Between getting married and preparing for a child, it seems like...everything is happening at once. My wife and I certainly precipitated much of said happening, but it's still mind-boggling. My daily thought process looks something like this, in no particular order:

Post to Root. Blog. Update website. Waste time on Twitter. No, don't waste time on Twitter. OK, fine, just a little time on Twitter. Get an apartment. Turn on the gas. Turn on the electricity. Move into the apartment. Turn on phone. Hook up cable. Plan shower. Plan outdooring. Get gym membership. Do I need the financial aid package? No, screw that. Well, maybe I shouldn't screw it. Paint the apartment. Find a dryer. Renovate theatre. Get friends to perform for next season. Get a car. Get car insurance. Get life insurance. Get death insurance. Get insurance insurance. Pay taxes. How much do they want? Crap, I'll have to pay in installments. Pay student loans. Get health insurance. Get car seat. Get stroller. Get the plastic thingy that goes over the stroller. Get bassinet. Get crib. Get diapers. Get diapers. Get diapers. Get clothes. Plan theatre company season. Get diapers. Put gas in car. Get diapers. What happens after she goes into labor? The doctors just give us the kid and say good luck? Are they insane?

What I Kinda Knew: Weddings aren't for the bride and groom's enjoyment.

What I Didn't Know: The exchange of vows is the moment that you get.

I've been meaning to make mention of this, but couldn't find a good space until right now. A wedding is really akin to a storm. I don't say that derisively; indeed, I'm merely trying to capture their awesome power and the various elements that make up that raw force. Really, a storm is neither good nor bad; it's just a storm. Good and bad depends on whether you're safely on shore or battling it out in a dinghy. Anyway, amid the storm, I stood before my wife and we both had the same thought: We did it. It was a moment that required only us.

What I Kinda Knew: People feel you're more of a grownup when you get married and have a baby.

What I Didn't Know: Other people you know are more grownup by proxy.

A real conversation that took place between a friend and her mother:

Friend: So, my friend's having a baby shower this weekend. I need to check out the registry and buy something beforehand.
Mother: You're gonna look at the registry?
Friend: Yeah. I did it for their wedding too.
Mother: You sent them a present? After looking at the registry?
Friend: Yeah. I do that now.
Mother: I didn't know you knew to do that. You're like...a real person now.
Friend: Sometimes.

What I Kinda Knew: The pressure to make a buck.

What I Didn't Know: The pressure to make a buck.

The Feath and I have been pregnant longer than we've been married, so it's kind of puzzling to me that marriage would make it seem like more pressure. But it does. Perhaps it's because there are now legal obligations, though that doesn't really make a difference because a person is going to do or not do what they want regardless of a social contract. Still, times seem more...urgent than they once did. On the hard days, it just seems desperate—particularly when you've taken a vow to do whatever it takes. At the risk of throwing a pity party, I say this briefly: Doing all the so-called right things and still coming up far short on the balance side of the ledger can compromise a person in troubling ways.

What I Kinda Knew: Married and pregnant people stick together.

What I Didn't Know: I would stick together with married and pregnant people.

True story: The other day, I took my wife to get ice cream. As we sat outside and marveled at the number of children and parents going to and fro (I'm not sure why; it was an ice cream parlor, after all) I spotted a pregnant woman peering into the ice cream shop. Were we not pregnant, I wouldn't have been bold enough to speak to her. But she was, so I asked her pregnancy questions—how far along are you, what are you having, etc. This lady and The Feath then struck up a whole other level of pregnancy conversation while I kinda chimed in where I could. Then the woman's husband showed up and said their sushi was ready. After they finished their sushi, we continued our chat. This time, the husband and I started talking about dad-to-be stuff. And then we all discussed weddings and marriage. And renting in Rhode Island. And getting together to walk the baby weight off. And just hanging out in general. All of that happened. And guess what? I dug it.

Considering my record for "months married" was previously zero. I think we're trending in the right direction. Let's cross our fingers for continued record annihilation. And maybe I'll learn a few things too.

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